Lets Talk… How I Deal With Anger
- Brittany Lamm
- Oct 2, 2020
- 5 min read
Updated: Oct 7, 2020
The English dictionary defines anger as, “a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.” We all experience anger from time to time, usually in short bursts. But recently, I have felt angrier than ever before.
Not just “oh wow that’s annoying” anger, but anger that persists throughout the day, constantly taking over my thoughts and changing how I treat myself and everyone around me.
I think a combination of the Covid-19 pandemic and recently coming off hormonal birth control is contributing to my extreme irritability. Some mornings I just wake up pissed off. I ignore everything positive I have in my life, I chose to focus on negativity and I think to myself… why am I so upset about this, why, why, why?
The reason I’m sharing this with you is that for one, it’s normal.
2020 is making just about everyone a little rougher. You can see it through the interactions we have with one another, the insane Newport Beach road rage, and basically any time you turn on the news. Many of us have been pushed to our limits in the unusual circumstances we are facing right now.
So instead of just choosing to be an angry, negative person every day, I decided it was time to "help me, help myself." I did a bit of trial and error to see what helps me manage my feelings of anger and what does not…
Here are some things that worked for me- keep in mind, these may not work for you but, it’s definitely worth a shot if controlling your emotions is something your struggling with.
Make a list of all the frustrations in your life.
Yep, that’s right, write down every single thing that is pissing you off right now. My list ranged from, “I am frustrated that I have to take online classes, I am frustrated that I am not in as good of shape as I was last year, I am frustrated with the monotony of my life, I am frustrated I live with my parents, I am frustrated that I constantly feel FRUSTRATED.”
After writing this, try and acknowledge your feelings toward what is bothering you. When I did this, I realized many of the things I was frustrated with were out of my control. The things that were out of my control, I let go.
"Letting go” won't happen overnight. But each time I re-read my list, I actively chose to let go of the things that I have no control over. For example, any of my frustrations relating to Coronavirus, I chose to let go of. Nothing I can do right now will alter the world's current state, so why bother getting angry over it?
Getting angry or irritated over things you cannot control is just simply not worth your time.
Write them down and let them go.
I also decided to focus on the frustrations I can control right now. Such as “not being in as good of shape and feeling constantly frustrated”. Those two things I realized are in my control and are things I can actively try to improve.
You and I both are capable of taking CONTROL of our thoughts and emotions, whether it be anger or not. We do not have to be slaves to our emotions every day and if you keep reading, I’ll teach you how.
2. Write down a list of everything you are grateful for right now.
Along with writing down everything that’s pissing you off, write down everything you are grateful for in your world right now. This can be as simple as, I am grateful for the air I breathe, I am grateful for sunlight, etc.
Some of the things I wrote were “I am grateful I get to live in such a beautiful place, I am grateful for my relationships, I am grateful for warm weather, I am grateful for my dogs, etc.”
You get the point, write a list of your angry/negative thoughts and a list of happy/positive ones.
Once you do this, try to actively focus on the small (or big) joys in your life. Rather than waking up and thinking about what you don’t have, focus on what you do have.
So, how can you and I switch our brains to remember to focus on our happy thoughts rather than the negative ones?
3. Daily Meditation.
I know, you’ve probably heard it a million times. “Meditation changes your brain and how you think, blah, blah, blah.” But I’m telling you… IT’S TRUE.
If someone told you, you could take control of your mind by focusing on mindfulness for just a few minutes of your day, why would you not try it? Meditation is completely free, easy to learn, and believe it or not, it ACTUALLY WORKS.
Am I an expert meditator? Absolutely not. Do I have invasive thoughts nearly every time I try to meditate? Yes. Do I meditate for hours on end? Nope.
Here’s the deal.
For years of my life, my therapist would advise me to meditate and I would laugh to myself, tell her I would do it, and then… not do it! As I’ve matured and learned through countless psychology courses that meditation actually works, I finally decided to give it a try, and THANK GOD I did.
A few of my favorite guided meditations are linked here: (more meditation resources coming soon)
Give meditation a try and set a goal to meditate every day (I recommend 10-15 min sessions) for a few weeks. Take note of how you feel before and after each time. Watch your mind change over a few weeks. Once your thought process changes, your relationships with yourself and others will improve shortly afterward. Trust me.
And last, but definitely not least,
4. Talk to someone.
Sounds simple, doesn’t it? For me, however, this is usually the hardest part. I, like many other people, don’t like sharing my issues because I have a little voice in my head telling me that no one cares or worse, no one understands. But, through years of cognitive behavioral therapy, I know that talking to someone is one of the best, if not THE BEST tools I have in helping myself feel better.
So, I talked. I called up my lovely therapist and told her everything going on in my head.
Now, does the person you chat with have to be a therapist? Absolutely not. You can talk to anyone you feel comfortable with. This may be a friend, family member, mentor, coach… whoever. But sharing your thoughts and emotions with someone is crucial to overcoming your invasive, irrational thoughts. It doesn’t mean they need to be excellent at giving advice, but just sharing your thoughts with someone may help change your perspective and clear things up in your mind.
Dealing with anger, or any emotion, is a process. At least for me, this is something I need to actively work on so I don’t fall back into my old habits of negative thoughts. Whenever I feel the anger and negative energy creep back in, I return to these tools and evaluate what is causing me to feel this way, and how I can use my skills to feel better, faster.
Reach out to me and let me know what your favorite ways to deal with anger are…
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